I broke someone's heart today :-(

I can't believe myself describing this but I need to let it all out of my heart and self then maybe I'll be able to sleep better and think straight - I guess ! Just about 11 hours ago , I got back home from dinner and whatever was left of the night together with that ' not so perfect ' someone whom I wish to refer as " S " . I've been " seeing " S secretly the past few months until recently when I finally plucked up the courage to approach him one fine day. Got to know him - not so well , very brief history about himself and finally he came over to meet me one fine night . Of course , that was in secret ! No one knew till this very day that I was actually infatuated or should I just call that ' puppy love ' with a stranger ........? I kept thinking about S almost everyday that this so-called feeling actually effected my work and sleep . This is really unusual and so unlikely to happen to a person like me- of all people ! ( not me please ! not me ! )
Well , just to make a long story short , last night was not so pleasant ( and the drizzle did not help either ) as I felt that we were practically moving too fast in our guy girl relationship , barely getting to know each other . I sensed that we were heading in the wrong direction so I'm not so sure if I made myself clear whether to called off this courtship but I do however hope S gets the picture and message of what I'm trying to convey to him . I do hope that we continue on with our precious smile at each other each time we bump into one another anywhere or at the more common place .
Dear S , if you are reading this post , from the bottom of my heart - PLEASE FORGIVE ME ! I'm so sorry to have broken you heart like a senseless and selfish being . I didn't mean to hurt your feelings and thoughts as well . I'm sure you'll meet someone better than me along the way and I pray that you do . I'm so sorry again S :-(