How has it been ???

As I look back at all those years , I realised that you were the only one who understood me well
As I look back at all those years , I realised that you were the only one who took the time and patience to hear me out
As I look back at all those years , I realised how stupid I’ve been to ignore you
As I look back at all those years , I realised how ignorant I’ve been to you
As I look back at all those years , I realised how selfish I’ve been to you
As I look back at all those years , I realised how unkind I’ve been to you
As I look back at all those years , I realised how hurtful I’ve been to you
As I look back at all those years , I realised how my ungratefulness was just a drop in the ocean to you
As I look back at all those years , I realised how my grievances have made you to love me more
As I look back at all those years , I realised how my hatred was never an issue to you
As I look back at all those years , I realised how your egoistic ways got in the way of our friendship which made me to judge you
As I look back at all those years , I realised how your self-proclamation made me boil with raging temper towards you
As I look back at all those years , I realised how eager you are to help others
As I look back at all those years , I realised how many friends you have made along life’s path
As I look back at all those years , I realised that you left your past behind and moved on forward positively

I know that I've been grieving way too long now for that friend whom God had made up His mind to call him back home . A painful lesson indeed that I had to learn and face . Yup - something that I joked and made fun about ............. never thought that this would backfire at me right away . And never in a million years would I wish this same feeling to befall on another human being because it's all for real and too painful to bear...............

We all feel we lead complex lives , I am no exception. Whenever I am free I try my best to reflect on my life hoping to sort out tasks to make life feel simpler . If only I was given a chance to undo the past or to turn back the clock , I would want back the times that I missed out on communicating with SA . My heart is practically shattered to a million pieces the day I heard that he has ' left ' us for eternity . As they say , ' time heals all wounds ' , in my case it may just take ages !

Yesterday is history and tomorrow is merely a figment of our imagination. So if we think about it deeply, today is the only day we’re truly alive.

It feels like things are not going as it should be but it will in the end.
It feels like frustration and anger but it should be replaced with patience and calm.
It feels like moaning and depression but replaced with smiles and laughter instead.

After all where can the prior get you, if you don’t keep thinking with positivity in mind.
So here I am in that phase of life, and I’m trying my best to stay positive whatever the outcome will be of loosing someone whom I just could not be bothered with at one time and now regrets it . I try to count my blessings as people say I should. I try to make life as fun as can be though so many thoughts are running at the back of my mind knowing that things are not as they seem to be. It’s tough but it needs to be done.

I find God has been my pillar of strength at times like this. I’m sure it doesn’t come from me. It’s so much tougher when I’ve been feeling this way for a long long time

I do thank God however for all the relationships that I have in this life and I promise myself never ever to take them for granted again no matter how difficult people are . I really need to move on ! It is still the most important thing in my life – relationships .

So , where has the months gone so fast ? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I awoke to a brand new day and a brand new year ?

We are fast moving into the eight month of the year and in no time it’s just gonna zoom us through another year ! Time waits for no man and neither will I ever be given another chance to speak out from the heart . I pray that SA hears my cry for forgiveness for I know I have failed to give him that time and my heart to him . And I hope that I move on and not regret my whole life about the past of a friend . And I hope that this post be the last that I blog about him ..............






I love you SA as a dear friend from the pit of my heart..............PLEASE FORGIVE ME !