When life is not picture-perfect

What I have picture in my mind almost eighteen years ago , seems to be an illusion of my imagination .  Our blessings in life may not be the same , seeing others around me suffer in some way or another sure scares the hell out of me . Thoughts such as growing old alone , sure scares the daylight out of me too . I will only be lying to myself if I told you I never 

worry . I try not let worriness take control of my mind and emotions .

But what do you do when what you had planned and imagine in your head does note take-off ? There's plan B and there's plan C you may say , but what if plan B and plan C are practically similar to plan A - then what ?!  Wouldn't life be more easier to live if only Adam and Eve had not eaten the eye catching apple ? pfft !!!

I thought about my life and how many times I was blessed with many blessings such as family and very minimal amount of friends - I'm not complaining ;  I had all I needed - materialistically - again I'm not complaining  ; There was no need for me to go any further because I was comortable with what I posses . I don't want to stay in this position

forever . I have to be careful when I get too comfortable and stay too long in that 

comfort . It’s easy to stop dreaming when your belly is full . You won’t feel the need to walkabout at all.

The truth is , as long as I was there in that really comfortable space of being alone too often , I wasn’t fulfilling my own destiny or my purpose . I long for marriage , for a righteous life partner and a family life of my own  .  I wasn’t flying , I'm practially content with my career , my own house , the salary that I earn and to a certain length - freedom .  I get so annoyed when I hear some career ladies tell me that they missed their single life - honestly - I really felt like smacking ! them hard when those words come out of their mouth . Here am I @ 36 , still single and longing to settle down with that one righteous man and start a family immediately and all you do is complain about missing your single life ??? Let's trade life ! Shhhssshhh !

As in the words of Bishop T.D. Jakes ;

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it 

I'm trying to work hard on my " goodbyes " you know  :p